Flashbacks
by Coopereid
Summary: One-shot. Follow up to 'Insomnia', but can stand alone. Sometimes, the job gets to Derek, and Spencer wants to be the one to help him.


Derek was always the one who wanted to remain strong for the team. On cases that were emotionally trying, he'd do his best to compartmentalize, and when it got to other people on the team, he'd comfort them and keep a straight face. Unfortunately, sometimes, it didn't work. There were some cases, usually the ones that involved children that really got to him. He wouldn't show it in front of the team, but he was terrified for the kids. Having been a victim as a teenager, he didn't want anyone else to ever be hurt like he had, and all he wanted to do was be the person to tell them everything would be okay, even if he couldn't promise it. That had been all he wanted when he was being hurt, and hoped he could at least comfort them in some way. He was always grateful when he'd be able to spend time with them, getting them to open up and talk about what happened. He always had to commend them, because they did what he couldn't at such a young age.

After these cases, he'd finish his case files in silence and go home, and after walking Clooney, settle down with a drink or two. Sometimes he'd be able to vent to Spencer, but usually, he preferred to spend these nights on his own. Eventually, sitting in the silence would get to him and he'd bury his head in his hands. Thoughts of his childhood, or lack thereof, would plague him until he reached his breaking point. There were points where he'd screw his eyes shut and try to will them away, but it never happened. He'd sometimes get so angry at the situations he'd go downstairs to his home gym and punch his punching bag until he didn't have any fight left in him, other times he went for a walk, but for the most part, he tried to go to sleep and erase the thoughts form his head.

He laid in bed, his arm over his eyes, trying to think about something else: anything else out there. Usually he could find something to distract himself, like flipping through the channels or reading a book that Spencer had left on the nightstand – the latter making him tired enough to get some sleep. Sleep wasn't always the answer; however, because there were times he would have nightmares about his childhood and everything that had happened to him. It didn't matter that Carl Buford was in jail and could never hurt an innocent child again, because Derek had the memories of himself being abused.

* * *

When there was a knock on the door, he sat up in bed, wondering who would be coming this late at night. Checking his phone, he didn't see any text messages or missed calls, so he thought it might be a neighbor locked out of their apartment or something of the like. Getting off the bed, he walked out to the front door, shushing Clooney, who had a sudden interest in whoever was on the other side. He looked through the peephole and saw Spencer standing there, his go-bag in hand. He reached up, unlocking the door and pulling it open, leaning against the doorframe.

"You do realize it's the middle of the night?" he asked.

Spencer nodded. "I just finished my paperwork and figured you might still be up. Can I come in?"

He shrugged, holding the door open and stepping aside. Spencer walked inside, going to his bedroom and unpacking his bag.

Derek smiled slightly, shaking his head and walking to the bedroom. "Can I help you?"

Spencer shrugged. "I know this case was horrible, I know it sucked, and I know that you probably need to talk, or need somebody to listen." He kicked off his shoes and sat on the bed, arms crossed. "As your boyfriend, I feel it's my job to help."

"It's not your job, Spencer. I don't need you to-"

He held up his hand. "Derek, you always wake up when I have insomnia and can't sleep, just so you can talk to me and keep me company so I'm not alone. I owe you one, actually, I owe you several. Let me do this, please?"

He knew arguing with Spencer was pointless, because much like himself, Spencer was stubborn and refused to back down until he got what he wanted.

Spencer saw Derek back down and crossed his arms. "I'm ready whenever you are. I promise."

Derek ran a hand over his head, sighing, taking the seat beside Spencer.

"What was it this time?" Spencer asked, rubbing Derek's arm.

He exhaled, rubbing his eyes with his palm. "That poor kid who was constantly assaulted and only spoke up because he saw it happening to somebody else. I've been in his shoes before, I know what it's like to be hurting so badly and wanting it to end. Hotch sent me to talk to that kid, and I appreciated it, but I couldn't help but get upset, watching him slowly unravel."

Spencer squeezed his arm. "I'm sorry. I can't say I've been there before, but I know what it's like to be in pain and just want to scream at the top of your lungs for help. You were dealt some pretty crappy cards that you didn't deserve, and I'm sorry for everything you went through."

He smiled appreciatively before swallowing. "I don't understand how people can hurt kids and think it's okay. They're defenseless and they're not built to handle this kind of pain and they just have a mindset that they need to be okay with it. It's not fair to them at all. They shouldn't be programmed to just accept bad things – they should know to speak up."

Spencer sighed. "It's not always that easy. Sometimes, it's somebody they trust, and they're afraid of losing what they have with said person. We've seen it a handful of times with this job, and unfortunately, it's just going to keep happening."

"But it shouldn't," Derek snapped.

He shook his head. "No, it shouldn't, but that's just one thing we can't control about the job."

Derek chewed on his cheek. "They're just kids."

Spencer heard his voice cracking and nodded. "They are, and they shouldn't be losing their innocence because of somebody else's sick twisted games." He saw Derek blink and start crying. He wrapped his arms around him, rubbing his back and doing his best to comfort him. it wasn't often this happened, but when Derek did finally crack under the pressure of the job, what he needed most was a shoulder to cry on.

* * *

Once Derek had calmed down, he apologized to Spencer multiple times, Spencer dismissing every single one. He laid down with Derek, pulling the blankets over the two of them, and rubbed his back until he fell asleep. Spencer just now noticed he was still dressed in his work clothes, but the last thing he wanted to do was move and leave Derek alone. Instead, he unbuttoned his shirt and kicked off his pants, throwing them on the ground and moving closer to him. He moved Derek's arm to wrap around him, and allowed himself to fall asleep beside him.

It was a couple of hours later when Spencer was woken up by Derek, mumbling in his sleep. He blinked a few times before looking up at him, just to assure himself that he was still sleeping. He would've dismissed it, but the mumbling was soon accompanied by whimpers and wincing. Reaching over, he rubbed Derek's arm, kissing his cheek.

"Derek," he whispered, rubbing his back. "Derek, it's Spencer, you're just dreaming, I promise."

Derek whimpered again, sniffing and shaking his head. Spencer couldn't help but feel helpless when he couldn't wake Derek from his nightmares, but still, he tried until he could. He continued rubbing his back, whispering to Derek. "I'm here, Derek, I'm not going anywhere. The dreams aren't real. I'm real. Come on, you can do it, fight it and wake up."

It had taken a few minutes of convincing to finally get Derek to snap out of it. He looked at Spencer, trying to catch his breath.

Spencer squeezed his arm. "I'm right here, Derek. It was just a dream."

Derek finally caught his breath, swallowing and nodding.

"Do you need anything?" he asked. "I could get you some water, or something to help you sleep."

Derek nodded. "Water, please."

He patted Derek's arm before getting out of bed, walking out to the kitchen.

He came back a few minutes later, holding out a water bottle to Derek. Derek took it, thanking him and twisting off the cap, drinking half of it in a single sip.

"Do you need to talk about it?" Spencer asked, sitting down beside him.

He shook his head. "It's the same as every other time," he admitted, setting the bottle down on his nightstand. "I can never stop it, and it happens. I'm sorry if I woke you."

Spencer sighed. "For the last time, Derek, you don't need to apologize for what you can't control. Nightmares happen to everybody, even the best of us. Never feel sorry for them, because they're not your fault."

He nodded before turning to Spencer. "Can we just stay up?"

"…Sure, do you want to talk?"

He shook his head again. "I just, I need to feel close, I'm sure you understand."

"Perfectly." He kissed Derek's cheek before resting his head on Derek's shoulder. The two of them sat in silence for about a half hour before Derek spoke up again. "Spencer?"

He looked up at him. "Yes?"

"Thank you."

Spencer smiled to himself, reaching up and patting Derek's cheek. "I'm glad I could help."


End file.
